Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Do I believe in soul mates?

A very good question was raised at Sheila Wray Gregoire's site, To Love Honor and Vacuum.
It is Wifey Wednesday there and she was talking about wether we have soul mates or not, and how we can love anyone(especially our husbands) if we give of ourselves.

Boy did she nail it on the head and cause me to redefine something I thought I believed in.

I have been in both positions. First,the selfish one who thought that prince charming was supposed to make me happy (in my first marraige) and was disillusioned and fell into the trap of the enemy when he didn't.

Second, I have also been the one who feels like she can say she has a prince charming because of how I choose to approach my marriage this time. It is not a fairytale marraige by no means. We have our issues. But the one thing I learned from my failed first marraige is that I have to choose to love my husband.

Choosing to love him means I have had to decide that what he does is not who he is. That nagging and expecting him to be any different is a setup for failure. I am not his mother trying to teach him. I am his wife, a special friend who should support, strive to understand and think of what he may have need of in the thing he is going through. I know that the choices I make to serve him and put his needs into a place ahead of my own cause me to grow in my love for him. They even cause my own character to grow which in turn spurs him on to grow and learn and love better also.

I am comparing the things I have been learning and thinking about and seeing in all the failed marriages (even within my own christian community) with this soulmate idea that I so lovingly hold onto.(and yes, even have thought about my husband ) I am going to have to possibly give up this romantic notion that there is just this one right person out there that we find for that perfect fit. While there are good common denominators we should look for, the way to that romanitic ideal relationship has nothing to do with it already being there and you entering into it as it does with you creating it around you and your spouse.

Maybe God had it right from the beginning, that is why he called us a help mate and not a soul mate. That our love and stability in marraige will be grown out of helping and meeting our mates needs, emotionally , physically, and spiritually to name a few.

So,from now on when asked if I believe in soulmates my answer will be different.

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